Simply Dreaming Nirvana
by Smashed Sunshine
Summary: It's been six months since she saw him. Six months since she ran out in a fit of anger. Will it still be the same now that uncertainty has lived between them for such a long time? Or is the dream over?


**Simply Dreaming Nirvana**

****

_Shiver for the night_

_It sweeps through you_

_No longer are you flesh and bone_

_ Darkness and stars replace those_

_Each one burning you up inside_

_Bright and unlimited _

**.:Sweet Dreams My Love:.**

Pulling the shawl tighter round her body, the girl shivered slightly. Late at night there seemed to be an unending sense of chilled fear. It wasn't always that the air was cold, but even in an unimaginable heat there was still a feeling of frozenness seeping into the bones. Even a thick blanket couldn't quell it. No what was needed was a strong arm held around the waist. Maybe some whispered words of confidence to end her hearts rapid beating.

The night was no place for a woman. In fact, most places in this world weren't safe for the fairer sex. It seemed that everywhere she went there would always be eyes looking. This was not the thing that bothered her most though for she knew she'd never be able to control those lusty eyes. It was what was hidden behind the mask of good decency. It was the knowledge of what could happen if polite society's rules were discarded. 

Her knowledge of men was limited but to a few gentlemen, but she could tell what was happening in their brains. They were wondering what she would look like unclothed - whether she would scream if they made a grab for her breasts. They wanted to lift up her heavy skirts and push into places no man had ever conquered. It would be so easy. Yet they knew it was not proper behaviour. Only criminals and miscreants would stoop so low as to steal a woman's flower away from her. But as is with other denied things, you can't help but wonder about the possibilities. Well she hoped they would have to find some back alley to relieve themselves alone, with only their own hand to minister it. 

Elizabeth didn't like to think she hated men, after all she wouldn't be on this world without them, but she defiantly lacked trust in them. They tended to lie through their teeth whenever they talked to her, or hold their tongue against the words that willed to come out. Whilst saying one thing, their bodies would do another. Too often it was a relief to escaping their praying sex. An honest man was would never come to light because all of them were in denial of their desires.

The moon lay heavy in the sky, its fullness seemingly consuming the night air. It was by this light, and the light of the stars, that she stood by the docks. By the darkening skies she would estimate she'd been stood there now for two hours. Her bones were cold beyond belief and her hair was damp with salted spray. The water was neither calm nor violent, but swayed steadily with the wind. In her mind she liked to think of it as dancing. Back and forth it swirled as its own music tainted the air.

Why was the general's daughter stood alone out on the dangerous docks? Elizabeth was waiting. It wasn't a past time she particularly enjoyed, but it had to be done if she were to succeed her goal. Her eyes were bright with anticipation at the prospect in fact. Soon she would be able to see Will Turner and everything would be alright once he was in her sights. 

It had been six months since he'd gone away. He'd said he'd be as quick as he could be and that he couldn't go back on a promise. Her anger had risen within her at his cruelty for leaving her behind. She had even suggested going with him, but this had been met with a firm rejection. Will didn't want her getting into anymore danger. He thought that there had been enough of that in Elizabeth Swan's life already. The decision had been made before she had even uttered the plea. This would be a journey that he would take alone.

_'If you leave me now, I swear I shall never utter a word to you ever again William!' _

_'As you wish __Elizabeth__,' Will had replied gently, his hands clasped in front of him. 'I would not wish upon you such a foul task.'_

Her outrage had blinded her. It had been a mistake on her half to ever believe Will would discard his morals for her whim. There had been a time when he might have, when everything he did would be for her. Too much had passed though and it had changed both of them for the better. They shared an adventure that couldn't be rivalled by their mundane lives. In turn it had shared them though – nothing could live up to it. Love had conquered everything though and even though she had hated him at that moment, she would still have died for him. 

So Elizabeth had stormed away from his pleading chocolate coloured eyes, with the purpose of never speaking to him again. She didn't care whether he went away on some mission of gold with Captain Jack Sparrow or fought with beasts of unimaginable nature. If he wanted an adventure of his own, then he'd have to have one on his own.

That dawn Will Turner had left on the Black Pearl, bound for some far off island.

Foolish, she reminded herself inwardly, to have let him slip away without a fight. Maybe it wouldn't have been so hard to let go, if only he had held her one last time. That way she would be sure that he would love her until they next met. Without having made apologies though, there had been an uncertainty that had unsettled her to the core. What if he came back with some exotic beauty hanging from his arm? What would that make of her? After all it had been her who had made the most sacrifices for the relationship. Women of her calibre didn't usually become the mistresses of lowly blacksmiths. Then there had been the whole point of his piracy. People had never viewed him in the same light again - they never said anything but she could tell. It was too easy to build up assumptions.

All her fears had been quenched though when a local fisherman delivered a letter to the house of her father. With unsteady hands she had ripped away the seal and her hungry eyes took in the text.

_Elizabeth__,_

_Though I realise we have parted on bad form, I couldn't leave upon this night without telling you that I love you unconditionally. You may never utter a word to me again, but this life is too short to allow arguments to cloud our judgement. If I die away from your arms, there are things you must know. The first I have already stated. I love thee and nothing will ever change that. Since the day we first met on the deck of that ship, to the moment you stormed away from me and onto infinitive time. Many things shall change, but that will not. _

_This is a dangerous world we live in, __Elizabeth__. A dangerous world where a beautiful, unmarried, woman will be pried upon by scoundrels. Know this; if I live to see thee again then I shall kill any man who makes an unwanted move upon thee. This may sound severe, but this is the depth of my emotion. If untold monsters or Jacks' stupidity don't kill me, then my unlimited love for thee certainly will._

_Lastly I must tell thee that you are never alone. Even when you feel like there is no one left for you to love, I will be there. Just close your eyes and dream of me. I don't know whether it shall work, but I know that we must try. Waters may separate us, but mine own heart beats with yours. _

_I shall return upon the sixth month. If you have found it in your heart to forgive me, then meet me out by the docks. There I shall kiss and marry thee. _

_Sweet dreams my love,_

_William Turner_

All that mattered was that he loved her. His hands may be rough, his writing shoddy and his will power frustrating, but he would always love her and she him. So she would wait for him for as long as it took. 

Shivering again she stared out into the still and silent night. Waiting. 

_Live for your love_

_A heart for a heart_

_Fair trade enough in the daylight_

_Trust with its fragile innocence_

_Making a beating path of emotion_

_Passionate and burning_

**.:Hold Me Until I Know You Love Me:.**

****

Many a night had passed when William Turner had stood out upon the deck, staring homeward bound. It had been six months to the day since he'd seen her. Six months to the day since he'd been able to reach out and brush his fingers against her skin. How he longed to be there again, with his arm wrapped around her delicate waist and the smell of her hair wafting to his senses. Home would be wherever Elizabeth was and right now, he was at least a mile away. 

'Penny for 'em,' a jaunty voice came from behind him. 'Though I'd prefer a penny for listenin' to 'em for surely you be thinking of our dear Miss Swan.'

'You have no need for my thoughts, do not pry upon them,' Will replied without turning. 'They have no worth for you.'

'You be right Will, but I'm the Captain and what I says goes, savvy?' 

A sigh escaped his lips and froze in the cold night air. Why on earth had he left the safety of Elizabeth's arms to come out here? It would have been easier to let Jack make a fool out of himself alone. A promise was a promise though and the good Captain had played upon that. After all it had been Jack who had saved them all in the end, and acts like that need repaying in certain terms. To leave a bill open like that though had been foolish on Will's part. He should have known that a pirate would always come back for payment.

It had been a beautiful hot day and Will had been hard at work in the smithies. That day was going to be important. It was going to be unforgettable. Overall it would be the beginning of his dreams coming true. Elizabeth and he were to have dinner and he would go down on one knee before her. It was about time he did what she wanted of him, for there was no respect for the mistress of a lowly man. She was a lady, not a whore, and that had to be remembered. People talked and even though he had not bedded her, they looked upon her as a common wench. 

Not once did she ever complain though. She didn't care about labels in the slightest, but he knew she cared for marriage. For it was a woman's work to provide a man a family and he feared she was beginning to lose interest in him. It was only when she took him in her arms and kissed his forehead lightly, that he knew she wouldn't leave too soon.

That day had not turned out to plan though. As he had been tidying away the work tools, Jack had appeared at the door disguised as a woman. The sight had made Will chuckle, but a sword to the throat had quelled that urge. 

_'I be needin' a crew William, and I knows you be wanting to make it all up to old Jack. After all I did save your love. Savvy?'_

_'What is it you want from me Jack?'_

_'Come sail. Six months is all it'll take. Gold it be that we are hunting.'_

_'Those days are over.'_

_'They're never over.'_

His heart would not let Jack down though, and he had found himself promising to be there at first light. First though he would have to deal with Elizabeth. That in itself wouldn't be easy and he had been proven right that night. 

When he had first seen her that evening, his heart had jumped up into his throat. Instead of the formal attire she usually wore, she was wearing a simple dress of deep purple that swept the floor. Her hair had been left loose and hung around her face happily. No longer was she the governor's daughter, but his own Elizabeth. She had never looked more beautiful in her life, but then again he felt this every single time he saw her. 

A burning feeling of passion had over taken his senses, and he had gone to her swiftly. His arms had wrapped around her and held her close, whilst his mouth pleased her skin with gentle kisses. Usually he would not be so informal with his lover, but this time he knew there would be no tomorrow to make up for it. So he had let himself have the little pleasure his brain would allow him. 

_'Hold me until I know you love me,' she whispered into his ear. 'An eternity perhaps.'_

It had been painful to turn away from her – to explain that he couldn't hold her for an eternity. He was leaving in the morning and would not return for six whole months. The look of untamed anger overwhelmed him. She did not want him to leave her alone on this godforsaken land. So much was her anger that she swore never to utter a word to him again. 

'It'd be a foolish man who allows his ears to be deaf of my words,' Jack interrupted his thoughts. 'Or maybe it be a foolish man who stands before me now.'

Will turned to face Jack, with a look of annoyance etched into his face. 'Can a man not think alone on this boat?'

'The Pearl is a ship Master Turner, don't be forgetting that so easily,' the Captain replied firmly. 

'The only foolish thing I have done is to follow you out here.'

'You mean leave that slip of a girl with many a lecherous man chasing her footsteps. Say maybe…Commander of her Royal Highness' top naval officers?' A smile curled the tips of his lips. 'Though often have we proved that one wrong.'

'You make light of things you do not understand!' he replied angrily, turning away from the infuriating man. 'Leave this man be.'

'Touchy!' Jack said in his insane drunken tones. 'That girl has digged her claws to far into your heart. There'll be no living with her once she knows that, savvy?'

'Savvy,' he muttered bitterly. Land would come in sight soon and he didn't want to miss the chance of glimpsing her at the docks. It was the fear that she might not be there that had driven him this far. He had survived many a battle, remembering that he had someone to live for. If he died here she would never know what being loved by him felt like, and him of her. 

Soon he would show her though. After all it had been a cut of the gold that had swayed his alliances. If he could get enough money together then he would be able to give her everything she deserved. A nice home with three meals a day. Maybe he would even buy her a dog to occupy her time. She would be guaranteed a happy life with the gold and that meant more to him then anything else. 

Tonight he would find her. He would love her completely. 

_Scream for your life_

_Its worth is to be tested_

_Breathing turns to the wind_

_Silent music laments a passing_

_A note at a time_

_Desperate and pleasing_

**.:A Life Without You Would Kill Me:.**

The wind whipped her hair about her face as she stared at the ocean. It had been a long night and the cold was making her blood turn blue. Not that she could tell by sight or sound, but there was a feeling in her arms that told her she had been frozen for too long. It had not proved wise to stand still for three hours without moving. Her stomach gave a growl of agreement.

It was typical for a man to be this late, she was sure of it. They said they'd be back in six months, but did they say at what time? No. She was left to guess that at her own leisure. Butterflies had flitted round her stomach though, making decisions bias towards standing out in the freezing cold waiting for him. He might not even turn up on time, but she was scared that she might miss him. 

A ship had docked in earlier, giving her heart such a sense of joy that she almost cried out in relief. It was when her brain had caught up with her heart that she'd realised the Black Pearl wasn't brown with white flags. It had felt like her stomach had suddenly turned to lead and sunken in her storm of emotions. How dare this ship get her hopes up like that?

Footsteps interrupted her thoughts, pulling her back to the reality of the situation. Like a wench she was stood out on the docks. A woman alone in such a rough area was never a good idea. It was almost asking for trouble to be brought upon them. This hadn't been far from her mind when she'd come out here, but she hadn't expected to be left waiting for so long. In her dreams Will turned up almost instantly – she hadn't had to wait for hours on end beforehand.

The footsteps stopped and her heart raced slightly at the thoughts trailing through her mind. What if this was a man looking for a bit of fun? Would she be able to tell him to go away? She doubted this very much. There were worst things though then a man looking for a night of passion. There were the drunks who wouldn't take no as an answer to their sexual requests. The last thing she wanted was to be harassed whilst alone out here. 

There had been a time when people like that had been nothing for her to fear. She'd lived in big house, surrounded by guards who were there to protect her. It had been a safe haven she had craved to escape. The men who stood watching over her every move weren't there to  protect her, but restrict her from doing something stupid. It was never actually stated, but she could feel it. Daddy didn't want to be made a mockery by his only daughter. Well it was too late for that now, she considered, the towns people already thought she was doing devious things with Will. 

Then there had been times when she'd had everything to fear. That safety net had been removed and she was free falling through a world of cursed pirates and monstrous beings. It had been Will that had caught her then. He not only saved her from the real pirates, but also from a life married to a man she did not love. 

Out there though the wind was the only friend she had. It whispered to her, allowing her to know of the other presence besides her own. It pushed the Black Pearl closer to home. She let out a shaky breath and ignored the feeling of dread in her stomach. Her eyes remained wide open, but did not turn to see who it was that was staring at her. 

Was this fear? She was sure she'd mastered that feeling when she'd been with Captain Barbossa. Now though it seemed different. It was more real on land, with people who weren't cursed. Elizabeth had heard so many tales of women being raped and left pregnant. They had been outcasts of society for something a man had done. Maybe that's why she was so distrustful of them on the whole.

Desperation was beginning to settle in. If the person didn't move on anytime soon, she would have to run and that would never end well. She knew from previous experiences that if you were going to run, you'd better know where too. There was no sense in getting lost in all the alleys and finding yourself trapped with someone of no morals. Defying this feeling, she ran a hand through her long, silky, brown locks and took a deep breath. Her fist clutched at her chest, holding together the shawl as if it were a barrier against her and the unknown character. 

'It's a dangerous place for a woman to be stood. I hear there are pirates on the water this night and everyone's heard the tales of those monstrous fiends.' Her heart stopped dead by the voice. 'I would have thought you would have learnt that by now, Miss Swan.'

Her fingers gripped into the material of her shawl, and she swayed slightly with the wind. What was this feeling filling her whole being. Fear? Or was it relief that William Turner was finally home?

Spinning round quickly, she glared at him angrily. 'Mister Turner, it is not a practiced tradition to scare young women out of their wits by simply standing there. You should make some noise to alert her, or perhaps even speak to let her know she is not in danger. It is also mean to leave a lady waiting when you have made a promise to her.'

Her eyes scanned him quickly for injury. His dark hair had grown a couple of inches and seemed unruly with dampened curls. The state of his clothes was alright, it seemed as if he had kept himself well washed and fed anyway. A feeling of satisfaction crept into her as she met his eyes. They were always the same, ever since she'd first met him. Deep and dark. He bowed his head down, breaking eye contact. His hands, as usual, were clasped before him.

'I was delayed by rowing,' he said softly. 'Apologies.'

Teeth bit into her lip as she sought for words to say. Six months seemed to have distanced them. He was not forward like he had been on his last night. She longed for him to wrap his arms around her – warm her aching bones. What had happened to make this distance so painful? She couldn't remember ever wanting him this much. Not even when she had wished for him to save her.

Opening her mouth, she tried to speak, but couldn't. 

'You look well,' he said glancing up at her. 'I shouldn't have expected less.'

There was that silence again. 'You look like you haven't slept a winks sleep in nights,' she said in what she hoped was concern. 'I hope Jack hasn't been working you too hard.'

Will shook his head. 'I haven't been able to sleep, that is all.'

'How come?' she whispered, her heart fluttering slightly in hope. 

'You were not close by.'

'Oh?'

'Elizabeth,' he said gently, looking into her eyes, 'A life without you would kill me. If anything I have learnt that. Am I forgiven yet for being such a fool as to leave the woman I love behind? Or has she found another?'

'Nay, she could find no other who she could love as much.' With this confidence in mind she stepped closer. 'I missed you terribly.'

'And I you,' he replied, closing the gap and drawing her into his arms. 

'How was Jack?' she whispered into the crook of his neck, as her arms looped round his neck. 'Still as mad as an old boot?'

'Captain Jack Sparrow sends his regards,' Will replied with what felt like a smile. 'He would also like me to inform you that there is always a place upon the Black Pearl for a seamstress. He said he'd pay you very well in kind.'

A laugh escaped her lips, but was soon covered up by the pressing of cold lips against her own. Safety had returned to her.

_Wake up now_

_The end has come_

_Like a hollow beam of sunlight_

_It plays upon your mind_

_Replaying all your hopes and fears_

_Love, Life, Death_

**.:Waking Has Never Felt So Sweet:.**

He was uncertain of the feelings overtaking him, but he knew that if he didn't kiss her now then he would have missed something huge. There would always be that feeling that if he'd acted at that point then he wouldn't have let something amazing escape him. Last time he'd felt it had been the night of the raid, when Elizabeth had been stolen away from her home. Never before had he known such fear because everything certain in his life had suddenly become uncertain. 

Ever since he had become aware of his feelings for the governors daughter, he had known that it would never happen. She was, by all accounts, above him and therefore out of reach. The friendship she had shown towards him though had sparked a hope. Determination had settled in soon after, inspiring him to win her over. The problem was he hadn't known how to. A deep desire to prove himself though had made him practise with a sword. He'd known that really he had been fighting for her all those nights he spent waiting. 

It was quite surreal now that she was within his arms, returning all his affections with equal veal. 

Somehow it was as if he had never been away from her – like the past six months had been erased from history. Comfort filled his being as he broke away from her lips and drew her tight against him. A lump was gathering in his throat, which made him feel uncertain and unconfident. To get over emotional would be showing her his weaknesses. He might love her with all his might, but he didn't want her to pity him. He wanted to be the rock in the storm, not the storm itself.

'You're cold,' he said gently as he rubbed her arms. 'How long have you been stood here?'

'It feels like all night,' Elizabeth replied with a shiver to emphasise her chill.

A shot of guilt went through his mind. He shouldn't have asked her to wait for him. Maybe if he'd rowed a bit faster then she wouldn't have had to stay here for so long. Concern followed shortly behind – what if she caught something life threatening? He couldn't bear to lose her again after such a short time.

'I'm sorry Elizabeth,' he whispered, pulling away and brushing his hands over her blue cheeks. 'You should never have waited out here for me. It was selfish of me to ask so much of you. If I'd…'

'Shush,' she hushed, placing a finger over his lips. 'Don't talk like that. Just be happy that we are together again.'

'But…'

'No. If I hadn't wanted to wait for you, then I wouldn't have.' She paused. 'I love you William Turner and I would do anything just to be with you. It is I who should be sorry for being so petty.'

He watched her with a sense of pride. This was his Elizabeth, who refused to let him apologise, but was doing so herself. Didn't she know that she would never have to ask his forgiveness, for he could never be angry with her? There was nothing she could do that would ever irk him. Even when they fought he wanted to hold her desperately. If he hadn't wanted to prove he was a gentleman to her then maybe he would have acted upon his desires. 

Hurting her though would have been a knife to his heart.

'Lets not think of that now,' he reassured. 'Here and now is all that matters to me.'

Elizabeth nodded once, and traced his jaw line with her finger gently. 'So much time has passed.'

'I know.'

They stood in silence gazing at one another. It seemed so right that they should be here, the sea as a witness to their passions. What was it about water that kept drawing them back time and time again? Maybe it was the cold fierceness that held so much untold beauty. Maybe it was simply a coincidence. 

'I dreamt of you every night,' she whispered as if scared of the words. 'It hurt so much that you weren't here, but when I closed my eyes it were as if you had never left my side.'

'You were always with me,' he replied.

'Will…' Elizabeth took her hand from his face and looked away from his eyes. 

'Elizabeth?' he asked with a frown. 

'I was just wondering…' she paused and took a deep breath. 'Whether this time I wouldn't need to dream you were near me.'

His eyes widened slightly. This wasn't what she was supposed to say. Ladies were supposed to be meek and mild, never suggesting a physical relationship outside of marriage! Something inside of him raced at the ideas she was hinting to. 

'But…'

'I feel as if I've been married to you ever since you left. It doesn't matter if there is a ring on my finger, or my name on a piece of paper. In my heart I know that I will always be yours. What I really want is to be one with you – for my innocence to no longer be a burden I carry alone. Six months is a long time…' she said quickly. 'If you don't feel the same way though, I understand and…'

'Shush,' he whispered and kissed her forehead. 'Waking would never feel so sweet, if I were to awake to you in my arms.'

A smile tilted her lips mischievously and he couldn't help but grin widely. She laughed, he joined in. Suddenly the moment was light, and all the fears of absence had evaporated. He held her with a smile on his face. Nothing could take this away from him – tonight would be the beginning of nirvana dreams of reality. 

'Let's get you out of those damp clothes,' she said with a bright knowing smile.


End file.
